It has been a year (almost a year? I can't remember exactly) since I started the therapy that has completely changed my life. Throughout the course of this year, there have been times when I wanted to write about my experiences... but it never seemed like the right time. I still don't know how I could even begin to share my story while also guarding things that don't need to be shared. In some ways, finding a "safe" way to sterilize things enough to share them in the past was part of what was keeping me from really dealing with them. So where does that leave me as far as blogging goes?
I am pretty sure this is the longest break I have taken from blogging since I started really loving it back when I was pregnant. Now, I have a little boy who will soon turn 8, and I feel like I am a completely different person sometimes. That is actually a big part of my current struggle with where I am at in this journey. There are times when I feel like I have woken up in someone else's life. See, now that is the kind of thing I wonder if it is in my best interest to share. It is so hard to explain, that I am not sure I really have the words to do so. So... should I share it at all? And yet, that is why I am here.
Journaling has been a big part of my process this past year. I have stuck to pen and paper until this point, but I find myself kind of stuck lately. My therapist wants me to be writing more, but the blank pages seem intimidating lately. So, after last week's session, I sat down to try blogging instead. Of course my therapy journal is something that is just for me, but it made me miss this other kind of writing... the kind where I share my story with the belief that opening myself up can be one way to use my struggle for good.
I have seen how God has worked through my blogging to create some amazing relationships and opportunities to speak His Truth into the world that so desperately needs it. While I am in this place where things don't entirely make sense, I find myself drawn to the things that have brought me clarity in the past. There is something about that little flashing cursor and the click of the keys on my laptop that makes me feel like I know who I am, even while I am trying to figure out what that means in so many other ways.
I am a child of God - created by my Heavenly Father, redeemed by the precious blood of Christ, and called by the Spirit to live according to this Truth.
I am a wife and mother. These are my most important roles during this season of life. I choose to own this important truth in spite of the sometimes overwhelming feeling that it isn't "enough" in the eyes of the world.
I am a survivor. The trauma I endured as a child does not define me, but it does matter. I continue to learn the complexity of this, but I also have hope for the future.
I don't know where this blog will go, or if I will stick with it, but I know that right now I feel more like "me" and that is a good thing. It is enough to make me stop questioning the wisdom of starting yet another blog (which, for the record, I am only doing because I let my old one lapse without saving it so it was deleted.) We never really get a fresh start in life... trying to find one is an exercise in pointless frustration (I should know)... but when it comes to blogs, that fresh start is just a click away. So, here I go...
I am pretty sure this is the longest break I have taken from blogging since I started really loving it back when I was pregnant. Now, I have a little boy who will soon turn 8, and I feel like I am a completely different person sometimes. That is actually a big part of my current struggle with where I am at in this journey. There are times when I feel like I have woken up in someone else's life. See, now that is the kind of thing I wonder if it is in my best interest to share. It is so hard to explain, that I am not sure I really have the words to do so. So... should I share it at all? And yet, that is why I am here.
Journaling has been a big part of my process this past year. I have stuck to pen and paper until this point, but I find myself kind of stuck lately. My therapist wants me to be writing more, but the blank pages seem intimidating lately. So, after last week's session, I sat down to try blogging instead. Of course my therapy journal is something that is just for me, but it made me miss this other kind of writing... the kind where I share my story with the belief that opening myself up can be one way to use my struggle for good.
I have seen how God has worked through my blogging to create some amazing relationships and opportunities to speak His Truth into the world that so desperately needs it. While I am in this place where things don't entirely make sense, I find myself drawn to the things that have brought me clarity in the past. There is something about that little flashing cursor and the click of the keys on my laptop that makes me feel like I know who I am, even while I am trying to figure out what that means in so many other ways.
I am a child of God - created by my Heavenly Father, redeemed by the precious blood of Christ, and called by the Spirit to live according to this Truth.
I am a wife and mother. These are my most important roles during this season of life. I choose to own this important truth in spite of the sometimes overwhelming feeling that it isn't "enough" in the eyes of the world.
I don't know where this blog will go, or if I will stick with it, but I know that right now I feel more like "me" and that is a good thing. It is enough to make me stop questioning the wisdom of starting yet another blog (which, for the record, I am only doing because I let my old one lapse without saving it so it was deleted.) We never really get a fresh start in life... trying to find one is an exercise in pointless frustration (I should know)... but when it comes to blogs, that fresh start is just a click away. So, here I go...
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